Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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