whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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