did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
