Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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