you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
