I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
