I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
