The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You ate ashes out of my bong
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
