If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
