i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
