You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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