I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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