you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
