In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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