Are we in a gay sports bar?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
