1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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