I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
as a side note pls kill me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
