You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
