so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
