All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
