i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
