All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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