Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
