New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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