we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
