You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
