hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My ass is underappreciated
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
