why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
