I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Farmville is her only friend.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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