fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
