Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize