if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
