guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
