Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
