I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The convent might be a nice break from real life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
