The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize