she was so not down for the gang bang
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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