dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
