I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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