my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
