It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
