I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
