If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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