Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So drunk its hurt
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
