I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
