Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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