So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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