Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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