ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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