dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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