I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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