wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize