that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
