Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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