my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
