She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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