i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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