I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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