Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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