he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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