His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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