I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
