i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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