Duck Duck Cougar?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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