I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
