I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize