His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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