Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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