I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
