yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
