This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
