i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
