what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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