and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
