seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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