Actions speak louder than pants.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
