he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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