I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
