I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
