Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
