im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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