just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My balls are so social today.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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