i think i have two assholes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just forgot I was standing up.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
