The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize