Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
