I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
