True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
