You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
