I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
