my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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